It Would Be My Honor To Accept...

What follows may contain political undertones. I don’t agree with myself on many points, so if you disagree with what I have said here, it is likely that I agree with you on that point. If you agree with what I have said, it is likely that neither of us know what we’re talking about - - which segues nicely into a discussion about politics, since maybe they don’t know all the time either.
The Democratic National Convention is coming to Denver, where I am currently trying to figure out how to close down a summer of Desert-Dodging, Writing, Writing Footwork, and way too much travel. You’d think I could close all this down by not doing any of those things, but as I am still in Denver and need to travel to Scottsdale after finishing a new copywriting project for a marketing firm downtown, it seems that the only way I can "close it down" is by Writing, doing Writing Footwork, and Traveling. If my mother had anything to say about it, I would do less Traveling and more "Yard Work." I just so happen to have the chromosomes for digging holes and fetching yard mulch.
Anyhow - the Democrats are coming, and recently it was announced that Hilary Clinton would accept an honorary nomination for the Democratic Presidential Race. In her capacity as the honorary candidate, she will give speeches, encourage Democrats to vote for the Democrat running for the office, raise money, and may (if she’s lucky enough to get more honorary votes than the honorary republican nominee) get elected as honorary president. . . wait. What?
It is with this spirit that I have decided to appoint myself Honorary Silver Medalist at the Beijing Olympics. And since I only have Honorary status, I’d also like to include my very own event: this event will be called The 1M Underwear Wedding Springboard Diving Competition.
And I will take home the Honorary Silver. The Honorary Gold, and all the honor that goes with it, will be awarded to Brad Nelson who performed seven consecutive quarter-rotating, appendage-flailing, whoa-shit gainers. A gainer is not what Brad actually completed, as a gainer is a back flip while moving in the opposite direction.

So now, while considering the quality and control that a traditional gainer encompasses, consider the absolute lack of respect for the human body that Brad’s performance included. Consider also that this event took place at midnight, in his underwear, in the olympic-sized private swimming pool of an enormous mansion. I’ll take the Silver medal behind that performance any time.

Medal Ceremonies aside, there is apparently still such a strong faction of Clinton supporters that are "mad as hell" that the honorary and symbolic gesture of including her as a nominee is necessary to remind them that writing Hil’s name into the ballot, same as writing in Tito Puente or Marcel Marceau, is a wasted vote and will only aid the opposition party (for stubborn Democrats this would be the Republicans as I understand it) in clinching the White House for another four years. Doesn’t that sound like something a bewildered herd of Democrats would do? In their stubbed pride, they’d unknowingly sabotage the chances of their own party being elected to office. It’s a shame we can’t elect a mob, they’re almost never wrong. This from the mind of a person who thinks it’s a great idea to take off your pants and throw your body through the darkness into an unlit pool. I should run for office, maybe I’ll see if they have any more honorary spots open. . .