On The Road Again

Am headed back to Colorado today to pick up my car, hang out with my family, and to lovingly pack a good portion of my permanent crap and bring it over to Phoenix with me. I found a one-way ticket through Frontier, purchased it at the low low price of $88 and woke up at 6am ready to rock or roll, depending on what the case might be.

"Good morning," says the gate agent.

"Good morning," I say. "Denver please, last name of Snapp."

"Which flight were you looking for sir?"

"The 8:10 to Denver, please. Last name: Snapp"

"Yes, that's not until 8:10pm, is that what you booked?"

"I thought I had booked a flight for 8:10 am, which is why I am here at 6:50 in the morning. Don't I feel silly."

"Yes, I'm sure you do."

Ahem.

No matter, I have with me a laptop and hours of good music. I should be able to entertain myself for a few hours in the barrenness of Gate 20 at Phoenix Sky Harbor Airport. I've always said that I could live anywhere so long as I had a laptop and a nice restaurant in which to work, and while the Blue Burrito is delicious, it is not the caliber of nice that I am looking for. As such, I will not (and happily so) be living at the airport. This waiting will be temporary. It will most definitely end at some point before 8:11 pm. That's pm, in the night, tonight, this evening.

But while we wait, I'd like to talk about underwear. I'm not looking for advice or even feedback, I'd just like to take a moment to let the world know that this is a problem I'm working on. It will one day be solved due in great part to my extensive field research.

I have lived in several places and it seems that one type of underwear is no longer the way to do it. One must have several kinds, styles, colors too. Men can no longer get by on the boxer vs. brief discussion. Please give us an example, you say? Fair enough, on we go.

For working in long black pants and a long black shirt in a high-movement environment, only snugly fitting briefs do the job the way it need be done. As my work pants are from a time when I wasn't a fat person, they too are snug and force boxer briefs and boxer shorts to bunch in conspicuous ridges across my mid-thigh – a portion of my body which just so happens to be at eye-level as I discuss pan-seared California Halibut.

For road tripping, another very important aspect of my recent past, the full-hawaiian print over-sized boxer short is best. The material clings quietly to the inside of a nice pair of cargo shorts allowing ventilation and freedom of movement. If freedom and ventilation is what you're going for, why wear anything at all, you might ask? Don't ask that. It's personal enough already.

Boxer briefs, then, are for the rest of the occasions. They are slim-fitting in a non-movement-intense situation such as "drinking beer" or "eating food." I also read in a magazine once that they are the undergarment of choice by women who love men in only underwear. They also provide coverage and class when used in lieu of a bathing suit after "drinking beer" has turned into "swimming in a local pond."